South Island

Largest of New Zealand's three main islands, known colloquially as "The Mainland". It lies between the North Island, a small overcrowded crime-ridden mishapen blob of muddy rock also called the "Pig Island", and Stewart Island, the nuggety wee island of hard-case good types (about the same size and shape as Tenerife) which hangs off the bottom of NZ. The South Island is approximately 1000km long and 250km wide and has a population of just over 1 million. The South Island is home to New Zealand's best scenery, skiing, mountains, lakes, rivers, hunting, fishing, 4WD tracks, empty highways, and all the other great things that make the men of a country truly manly. It also has all New Zealand's best beer (Speight's, Monteiths, and Canterbury Draught), tastiest steak, and most gorgeous women.